I like the idea of having the “rougher” character’s foul language filtered. It’s obviously something we encounter on a daily basis, but I’m not into reading it if I don’t have to. That was a creative solution.
Good opening chapter, albeit I’m not roped all the way in yet. I feel like some things are cloudy for no discernible reason. What’s the Alliance? Why is Quill stuck with this gang of friends if he’s really not comfortable with them? And what am I supposed to think any of these characters want, besides a salary rise and winning a VR tournament? I’m still looking for “why this matters.”
But I can hang in this world some more and find out, no problem. The writing is descriptively rich. The transhuman tech is cool and well thought out. I like the people walking in sims — a bit dystopian in my book — and I’m curious how that’s going to figure into the plot, as surely it must. Your stylus spies on you, you can bleep out language you don’t like, and your software gets annoying bugs. This is the kind of thinking I love to see — not the “ain’t-tech-cool?” approach that just uses tech to give characters amazing abilities with no downsides.
I also write about transhumanism. Very differently: far-future, way down the dystopian rabbit hole. But whenever I encounter a story like this, I like to think of it as one more possible long-ago backstory for what I’m writing.
Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you enjoy the story as it continues, and answers some of these questions.. And I will definitely be considering these questions as I re-edit for future publication!
Your story looks cool, I've bookmarked it to read later!
Cool. I’m in the middle of chapter 2 now and getting my question about the Alliance answered. I like that you named your hero Quill, short for Aquilla. My heroine’s name is Quibble, but she doesn’t like it, and not very far into the book she too gets the nickname Quill (see chapters 7 and 8).
Thanks for the feedback! My first time trying a serial so I’m sure there’s loads to work on and pacing is definitely something I find hard to judge. This kind of feedback is super helpful!
And thank you for donating platelets! So important. Every time I’ve tried to donate blood, either my iron has been too low or they had to stop halfway because I was getting dizzy 😵💫 so I’m very glad others can do it successfully!
every other time i do it, it goes wrong when the machine returns the blood to my arm. its a bit frustrating but they do give you a LOT of chocolate biscuits so not all bad
A fantastic start! So many cool ideas incorporated!
I feel like the language filter is such an interesting idea because it both says a lot about the character who is being filtered and a lot about the character who chooses to have a filter enabled. That's such a cool concept!
Also all of the different ways of escaping reality while on a long space voyage? So cool! Can't wait to see where this goes next!
Thanks! “Escaping reality” is definitely a theme here… probably because I wrote the original first draft for a NaNo during Covid lockdowns 😆 But I imagine that travelers on a 2+ year voyage in a tight space would often be trying to escape reality in some way
This is so fascinating!! It reminds me a bit of The Expanse tv show and Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr, both of which I absolutely love. The technology and physics details were woven in so well, and the use of AI in the story is so believable it’s a little scary. I’m excited for the next installment!
Great first chapter!
I like the idea of having the “rougher” character’s foul language filtered. It’s obviously something we encounter on a daily basis, but I’m not into reading it if I don’t have to. That was a creative solution.
I’m looking forward to what comes next!
Thank you! I’m glad the language filter idea worked!
I liked it too (though I admit my brain inserted the foul language) but more for how it speaks about censorship.
Good opening chapter, albeit I’m not roped all the way in yet. I feel like some things are cloudy for no discernible reason. What’s the Alliance? Why is Quill stuck with this gang of friends if he’s really not comfortable with them? And what am I supposed to think any of these characters want, besides a salary rise and winning a VR tournament? I’m still looking for “why this matters.”
But I can hang in this world some more and find out, no problem. The writing is descriptively rich. The transhuman tech is cool and well thought out. I like the people walking in sims — a bit dystopian in my book — and I’m curious how that’s going to figure into the plot, as surely it must. Your stylus spies on you, you can bleep out language you don’t like, and your software gets annoying bugs. This is the kind of thinking I love to see — not the “ain’t-tech-cool?” approach that just uses tech to give characters amazing abilities with no downsides.
I also write about transhumanism. Very differently: far-future, way down the dystopian rabbit hole. But whenever I encounter a story like this, I like to think of it as one more possible long-ago backstory for what I’m writing.
If you’re curious: singulardream.substack.com
Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you enjoy the story as it continues, and answers some of these questions.. And I will definitely be considering these questions as I re-edit for future publication!
Your story looks cool, I've bookmarked it to read later!
Cool. I’m in the middle of chapter 2 now and getting my question about the Alliance answered. I like that you named your hero Quill, short for Aquilla. My heroine’s name is Quibble, but she doesn’t like it, and not very far into the book she too gets the nickname Quill (see chapters 7 and 8).
I really enjoyed this. I'm sorry it took me so long to get started, but I needed to start with chapter 1.
That’s for reading! I hope you enjoy the rest of it!
Congrats. Great to see more serials. My two cents: I don’t feel like the story has begun. What’s at stake?
Thanks for the feedback! My first time trying a serial so I’m sure there’s loads to work on and pacing is definitely something I find hard to judge. This kind of feedback is super helpful!
engaging read. sorry . donating platelets. typing difficult with one thumb. the thumb is up
And thank you for donating platelets! So important. Every time I’ve tried to donate blood, either my iron has been too low or they had to stop halfway because I was getting dizzy 😵💫 so I’m very glad others can do it successfully!
every other time i do it, it goes wrong when the machine returns the blood to my arm. its a bit frustrating but they do give you a LOT of chocolate biscuits so not all bad
Thank you! 😊
A fantastic start! So many cool ideas incorporated!
I feel like the language filter is such an interesting idea because it both says a lot about the character who is being filtered and a lot about the character who chooses to have a filter enabled. That's such a cool concept!
Also all of the different ways of escaping reality while on a long space voyage? So cool! Can't wait to see where this goes next!
Thanks! “Escaping reality” is definitely a theme here… probably because I wrote the original first draft for a NaNo during Covid lockdowns 😆 But I imagine that travelers on a 2+ year voyage in a tight space would often be trying to escape reality in some way
Oh no! Not bad shrooms!
This is so fascinating!! It reminds me a bit of The Expanse tv show and Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr, both of which I absolutely love. The technology and physics details were woven in so well, and the use of AI in the story is so believable it’s a little scary. I’m excited for the next installment!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
The Expanse is definitely an influence at some level. I’ve not read Cloud Cuckoo Land, but maybe I’ll put it on my to-read list!